Cautionary Tale of the Mother Octopus

I once saw a documentary about the life of a female octopus on the Discovery Channel. (If you read my "Urban Woman in the Woods" post, then you know this is my preferred method of communing with nature.) She hatches from her egg and runs the gauntlet of sea predators with youthful exuberance. When she grows up she has learned to change into beautiful colors at will and use her eight legs to do some serious multi-tasking. Then she meets a charming male octopus, and she becomes a mother. She puts all of her energy into her eggs - laying them, grooming them, protecting them. Of course the charming male isn't around much at this point. By the time her babies hatch, she has completely exhausted herself with their care. She hasn't eaten properly for weeks and any reserves her body may have stored are gone. Dying, she loses all her colors and drifts like a shapeless blob in the ocean until she becomes prey to creatures craving octopus for dinner.

When I embarked on my homeschooling journey, I did quite a lot of research. I read all the books I could get my hands on, scoured the Internet and talked in-depth with every homeschooling mother I knew. But I don't recall hearing one warning about the burnout, though it seems to be a fairly common phenomenon. I started off like the octopus, full of excitement and dynamic plans 5 years ago. Each year when June rolls around, I find that my colors are a little more washed out and my plans for the coming year more mundane. The combination of schooling, housework, cooking, bill paying, home and car maintenance, laundry and extracurricular activities inevitably take their toll.

I've often heard that kids are like sponges sucking up information wherever they find it. But they also absorb a caregiver's energy in the same way. A mother's energy is a finite resource and homeschooling moms are expending this energy almost 24/7. Like fuel for a car it must be replenished. Often the problem is that mothers place the needs of others above their own wellbeing and renewal. Neither mothers nor cars can run on an empty tank, but many moms do it every day.

On the other hand, I hear there are mothers who don't burn out. Homeschooling mothers, even! How can a mom achieve this feat without the benefit of a full-time staff at her disposal? Is there a homeschooling how-to book for mothers in need of a little revitalization? How about a curriculum that integrates mom's well being into the daily lesson plans, like foot and neck massages during read-aloud time?

I am a mother octopus. This is my cycle - take care of everyone, put my needs last, fall apart, put myself back together, repeat. As I struggle to bread this cycle, I find that I'm having to ask myself some difficult questions. Who am I besides someone's mother? What are the things I like to do, read, make, ponder? Where is the balance between caring for others and caring for one's self? How much self interest is selfishness? What will I be when my children grow up - colorless blob or dynamic person?

7 Random Things About Me

I've only been blogging for a couple weeks and I've already been tagged for a meme by Katherine. Here's my best effort:

1. I had to do a couple google searches to find out what in the world a "meme" is.

2. I just joined a newly formed book club. Our first book is White Teeth by Zadie Smith. We meet in about 2 weeks and I haven't even started the book yet.

3. I am addicted to crochet and I'm desperate to learn to knit. I crocheted this wrap using a 19mm hook and some of the most gorgeous yarn I've ever seen. (Red Lion Incredible Autumn Leaves) The picture doesn't do it justice. Yarn Anonymous meetings are probably in my future.

4. If I had been born only 24 hours earlier, I would share a birthday with Bob Marley instead of Ronald Reagan.

5. This is my dog, Oz pictured here with my dear daughter. He's a beagle mix we brought him home from the pound 4 months ago. He likes to lick our toes.

6. I've watched The Color Purple over 50 times and I know all the dialog by heart.

7. I have racked my brain and literally cannot think of a 7th thing to say about myself. I think that probably says something in itself.

This has been an interesting exercise. I now tag Holly.

Hands-On Africa

Art Activities for All Ages
By Yvonne Y. Merrill
Buy Hands-On Africa Now
or go to Hands-On for this and other titles

I recently discovered this book of Sub-Saharan inspired art projects for children. Each project is based on a cultural artifact, like a Kuba Beaded Mask from Zaire, Masai Adornments from Tanzania, or Mud Cloth from Mali. Project directions are accompanied by full page color photos of the finished products which are often paired with original artifacts. The photographs alone are quite striking. Materials needed to complete the projects tend to be simple and easily found around the house. I especially like the creative use of puffed wheat in place of cowrie shells.

Other titles in the Hands-On series include Alaska, Americas, Ancient People, Asia, Celebrations and Rocky Mountains. I'm looking forward to doing many of these projects with my children. I'll try to post photos of their progress.

Judgement Ball

Last weekend we went to the Jet Propulsion Laboratory's annual Open House. We've been studying physics this year and dear son #2 has been reading about the electromagnetic spectrum in his spare time, so the JPL offered a wonderful opportunity see it in action. One simple but effective demonstration used a night vision video camera and a TV screen. The kids were each given an ice cube to rub on their faces so they could see the temperature change in infrared. In the Mars exploration area, scientists invited children to lie down on the floor so a miniature rover could roll over them. The photo shows dear son #2 and dear daughter with a rover on their backs.

All of this technology is so amazing to me, but my kids are able to take it for granted. When my kids talked about going to Mars it occurred to me that travel to the Red Planet might become a possibility in their lifetime. It isn't a fantasy like it would have been for me as a child.

I suppose it was the same for generations past. In the last years of my grandmother's life, I often thought of the vast changes she had seen in her lifetime. I remember describing my ultrasound to her during my last pregnancy. She was amazed. It seemed as strange to her as the concept of human interplanetary travel seems to me. Imagine seeing a picture of your only great granddaughter before she was born! She told me a story about the day when a blimp first flew over her rural North Carolina town. She said that everyone was filled with fear and assumed the world had come to an end. People ran around in a panic crying, "...fall on your knees and repent! God has sent the Judgement Ball to judge your sins."

The world didn't end on that changing day and the people moved on - electricity, indoor plumbing, telephones, computers, satellites, ultrasounds. My Grandmother and I laughed together about how much things have changed, and how much they haven't. Now my kids dream about visiting Mars. Perhaps one day my great grandchildren will smile at me from other worlds. I'll be amazed and they will move on.

Ancient Africa: Modern Rhymes About Ancient Times

Written by Susan Altman and Susan Lechner
Illustrated by Donna Perrone
Buy Ancient Africa Modern Rhymes Now

This is one of a series of poetry books on the ancient world. Topics vary from important civilizations like Ghana, Nok, Maasai and Timbuktu, to key historical figures like Sundiata, Mansa Musa, Queen Nzinga and more. Other books in this series cover Ancient Egypt, Greece and Rome.

The illustrations are cartoonish and fail to give accurate depictions of the peoples described by the authors. The writing, while simplistic, is light-hearted and mildly comical in places. In no way can this book be used a comprehensive history, and should be supplemented with additional readings and activities. Still, despite its shortcomings I feel it can best serve as an introduction for young children, perhaps ages 3-6 who are beginning their history studies or those whose older siblings are reading more challenging material.

What If You Met Your Great Great Great Great Great Grandmother

This is the question that inspires my homeschooling journey. What can one say to the woman who was torn away from her homeland, chained in the belly of a ship and forced into involuntary solitude? This woman who lost her community, her language, her dignity. She who may have survived brutal beatings and rape, her husband and children torn out of her arms. She who lost control of her body, destiny and family. This woman, whose unending labors supported the wealth and well being of others until the end of her days. What if this woman asked me to account for the opportunities she purchased for me with her blood and sorrow?

When I heard someone pose this question years ago, it made me realize that we have a responsibility not only to future generations, but to the past as well. I believe that we are held to account to do the best for our children with the resources we have been given. Further, we are equally responsible for making the best use of what was left to us by those who have gone before.

With this in mind, teaching my children to read became an almost spiritual experience. Frequently as we made our way through each sound and letter I was reminded that reading was a privilege not afforded to my ancestors. Today, each word we read together is precious - a gift both received from the past and given to the future. This is why I choose to homeschool.

African Beginings

Written by James Haskins and Kathleen Benson
Illustrated by Floyd Cooper

Read Aloud - grade K-2
Independent Read - grade 3 & up
Buy African Beginings Now

This is of my favorite introductory history book for elementary aged children. The contents cover Nubia, Egypt, Kush/Meroe, Jenne-jeno, Spread of Islam, Ghana, Mali, Songhay, Timbuktu, Benin, Great Zimbabwe, Kongo in a brief manner. For the most part each topic is given a two page spread. The book goes on to address Music/Dance, Art/Religion, European trade, Slavery/Colonization in the same fashion.

In no way can this book be used to teach African history in a comprehensive manner. It should be viewed as a jumping off point to spur further reading which can be facilitated by its dual bibliographies, child and adult. What African Beginnings does boast is its absolutely stunning illustrations, a sample of which can be seen on the cover pictured above. There is also a very useful timeline extending from the appearance of Homo Sapiens to the height of the slave trade in 1800.

Urban Woman in the Woods

A friend of mine describes me as "the most urban person I know." Let's just say that I prefer to experience nature on the Discovery Channel. So it is a little strange that my middle two kids are Cub Scouts. We belong to an all homeschooling pack which really works for us. My little boys love the crafts, field trips, and all the homeschooling friends that scouts gives them. I love them enough to put aside my irrational fear of the woods so that they could go on two hikes this month.

The first one was actually less of a hike and more of a volunteer clean-up project. Every year our pack does a day of service at a national park where we hold our year-end celebration. Usually the scouts just hike and pick up trash along the trails. But this time, motivated by the extreme heat and rattle snake danger, the park ranger opted to have the boys pull weeds near the outdoor amphitheater. Photo above shows dear son #2 tackling a mustard weed.

Although this was preferable to hiking in the near 100 degree heat with their little sister in tow, I was still deeply disturbed by all the talk of rattle snakes. The ranger explained that they like to come out on hot days to sun themselves. He also warned us to watch out for the abundant baby rattlers because they can't rattle and their bites contain more venom than adult rattlers. Fortunately, we survived the day without any snake sitings (or bitings.) The boys had a great time, but I was an irritable, nervous wreck.

The second outdoor trek was much more to my liking. This place was more park-like with the wilderness area being fenced off to protect the plants and animals. That's just to my way of thinking - people in the human area, snakes and poison oak in the wildlife area. (Don't start no trouble...won't be no trouble.) The park had a very gentle 1/4 mile trail. I was able to stay behind with my cranky 3 year old dear daughter while my boys hiked with the other moms and scouts. This photo shows dear son #3 walking the trail with a fellow Tiger scout.

I have decided to skip the Pack's year-end celebration next week. While I'm glad my boys had positive outdoor experiences, I have had quite enough nature for a while. Learning to say "no" to things which make us uncomfortable is an important skill for women. So often we go along with things to fit in and be nice when we should be listening to our instincts. Well, my instincts tell me that any interactions with snakes should occur only when one of us is behind glass.

Scarlet Letter for Bullying

A California mother took drastic measures to make sure her daughter would think twice about bullying. When her daughter was suspended for 5 days following a bullying incident, mom forced her to stand outside several schools carrying a placard reading, "I engaged in bullying behavior. I got suspended from school. Don't be like me stop bullying."

See the article in the Los Angeles Times.

I have slightly mixed feelings about this. Certainly, it is good to see a parent addressing bullying behavior in a serious manner. In a television news report the mother said this was her daughter's second suspension for bullying. And after all, there is a time and a place for tough love. On the other hand, I have to wonder if the punishment fits the crime.

Most parents have at least fantasized about doing something like this. I will never forget when my dear son #1 brought home a report card with a 32 in PE. Yes, that was a 32 out of 100 in Physical Education. All he had to do was play volleyball. This pitiful grade lowered his already borderline GPA just enough to ruin his chances of getting the college grant we had been hoping for. All of this because he didn't like volleyball very much and he wanted to talk to his friends. I wanted to get a T-shirt and put the number 32 on the front in 12" tall digits. I was going to have "My PE grade," on the back and make him wear it to school everyday. After I calmed down I thought better of it, but even now I can still see it in my mind -a lovely bright green. I will never see the number 32 again without muttering to myself, "Boy, just close your mouth and hit the #*%@ ball."

I don't think public humiliation would have improved my son's situation, but the fantasy sure felt good. As it is, he suffered the natural consequence of losing his grant. He's far too old for me to ground over an F, and plenty old enough to know that from now on bad grades will him cost money.