Cautionary Tale of the Mother Octopus

I once saw a documentary about the life of a female octopus on the Discovery Channel. (If you read my "Urban Woman in the Woods" post, then you know this is my preferred method of communing with nature.) She hatches from her egg and runs the gauntlet of sea predators with youthful exuberance. When she grows up she has learned to change into beautiful colors at will and use her eight legs to do some serious multi-tasking. Then she meets a charming male octopus, and she becomes a mother. She puts all of her energy into her eggs - laying them, grooming them, protecting them. Of course the charming male isn't around much at this point. By the time her babies hatch, she has completely exhausted herself with their care. She hasn't eaten properly for weeks and any reserves her body may have stored are gone. Dying, she loses all her colors and drifts like a shapeless blob in the ocean until she becomes prey to creatures craving octopus for dinner.

When I embarked on my homeschooling journey, I did quite a lot of research. I read all the books I could get my hands on, scoured the Internet and talked in-depth with every homeschooling mother I knew. But I don't recall hearing one warning about the burnout, though it seems to be a fairly common phenomenon. I started off like the octopus, full of excitement and dynamic plans 5 years ago. Each year when June rolls around, I find that my colors are a little more washed out and my plans for the coming year more mundane. The combination of schooling, housework, cooking, bill paying, home and car maintenance, laundry and extracurricular activities inevitably take their toll.

I've often heard that kids are like sponges sucking up information wherever they find it. But they also absorb a caregiver's energy in the same way. A mother's energy is a finite resource and homeschooling moms are expending this energy almost 24/7. Like fuel for a car it must be replenished. Often the problem is that mothers place the needs of others above their own wellbeing and renewal. Neither mothers nor cars can run on an empty tank, but many moms do it every day.

On the other hand, I hear there are mothers who don't burn out. Homeschooling mothers, even! How can a mom achieve this feat without the benefit of a full-time staff at her disposal? Is there a homeschooling how-to book for mothers in need of a little revitalization? How about a curriculum that integrates mom's well being into the daily lesson plans, like foot and neck massages during read-aloud time?

I am a mother octopus. This is my cycle - take care of everyone, put my needs last, fall apart, put myself back together, repeat. As I struggle to bread this cycle, I find that I'm having to ask myself some difficult questions. Who am I besides someone's mother? What are the things I like to do, read, make, ponder? Where is the balance between caring for others and caring for one's self? How much self interest is selfishness? What will I be when my children grow up - colorless blob or dynamic person?